Day Seventeen

from Our Luck Will Never Change by Karf

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lyrics

I feel I’m losing my grip on what is real and what I’ve dreamt. And because of this rift, it’s taking longer and longer to let my thoughts escape from this brain shaped cellophane membrane. And it’s getting harder to penetrate.

I feel like I used to obfuscate, to misdirect and alleviate so I wouldn’t have to verbalize the nightmare that my head creates.

And is this OK? For this part of me, just to.. just to go away? Is it better to be a person or a shape? I used to speak fast, told to ‘calm down’ when I would escalate. But now.. Now I stutter and I just wanna give up the whole goddamned interface. I swore my id would grow strong, but I feel it withering away. I can’t seem to do anything to slow it’s decay. Is it worse to go mad or not even recognize your own face?

Sure I’ve changed, but the whole goddamn world has and I’m banking on the fact that not enough people care or will notice that I’ve caved. For better or worse, right now it’s all the same side to a trick coin. I’m trying to roll with the punches until the big KO, but it seems like a no go, from the way my brain wants to be completely goddamned nonfunctional.

Well alright. I’ll follow your advice. I’ll stop living my life. I won’t have a drink when my head is filled with strife, or wake to a fresh pressed pot teeming to the brim with comfort inside. I just want you to know that this is not just killing me, but maybe the progress I’ve earned organically.

And to me, that’s more frightening than living dangerously.

credits

from Our Luck Will Never Change, released May 24, 2016

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Karf Missoula, montana

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